Red Cliff is a two part war epic that last nearly five hours. Set in China during the samurai period it’s full of swords and spears and horses and illnesses that got cured like 100 years ago. Follow the exploits of people with names I cannot pronounce let alone spell as they fight against some dick head bloke who wants to kill em all. I really enjoyed this film because it featured proper loads of killings and boats got set on fire and stuff but it was hard to follow at times because it was all in foreign. NEWS FLASH HOLLYWOOD. If I wanted to read I’d buy a Harry Potter book and not watch a film. But apart from that it was very entertaining. Part 1 was like the build up to the big fight scene and it showed how the main baddie killed people and was an all round dick bag. Then part two was like the full battle and the good looking china guy called upon the power of the wind and burned everyone. Apparently it is based on some well old battle so I like the fact that it was historically real. Overall I give both parts a WELL NICE/10. It would have scored higher if the China people spoke in English, because let’s face it English is a better language. I would also have liked it more if it was set during the Battle of Hastings, which is my favourite battle ever because we beat the Germans.
If you liked the first Harry Potter film then you might like this one as well. Even though it’s the most not nice in the series. Return to Hogwarts with Harry and the gang and meet new characters like the cheeky little gremlin thing Dobby who loves to drop cake on people and loves socks (he’d be happy at Christmas time if my boring mum gave him socks for a present) and the heroic Professor Lockhart aka the best thing about the film. I don’t like this film as much as the first one because even though Lockhart is very nice and Lucius Malfoy is not nice and very nice at the same time it just felt a bit rubbish. The book of the film that JK Rowling wroted after this film was also the most not nice in the series. The plot was a bit weird as well because a diary or summat was controlling a big snake and making people into stone like a medusa and Hermione got stoned and Harry had to kill the diary. Other than that not much really happened except Harry learns a nice new important spell and there is a bit with Harry and Ron in a flying car which was pretty neat. Oh my mum just told me that the diary was owned by Voldemort and that’s why it was evil and it will be an important plot point in the later films. Thanks mum. All in all I give this film a MEDIUM NICE/10. It might have got lower but it had a well nice song for Fawkes the pheenix so that was nice.
The Social Network is a nice film about a lad called Mark who is well good at computers. One day his girlfriend leaves him and he gets drunk and face mashes people or summat which sounds painful. Some blokes who look identical and are probably twins now that I think about it (and a third non-twin) ask him to make them a nice website but Mark is like nah lads and makes a website of his own called THEFACEBOOK. It becomes well popular in the world and his mate who is a Jew falls out with him and sues him and so does the twins and other lad for $5000000000000000000 or around that amount. Mark is also friends with Justin Timberland the singer, but he’s playing another character who made Mapstar website for getting music. In the end Mark who is less nicer but still nice has to give some of his money to them but still has loads left. I thought it was a nice fun film even though it’s just a made up story. I’ll give it WELL NICE/10 but it could have scored higher if it had nudey ladies or nudey Justin (because Justin is proper dishy).